I sat down a few days ago to write a post about feeling like
yourself again after having a new baby. I got it done and was pretty pleased,
but reading it again today, I feel like I was reading someone else's writing.
The truth is, the baby blues, mom funk,
even postpartum depression, can come and go. So many factors play into it, and
I guess I was just having a good streak...but now it's over.
I will be completely honest with you,
internet friends: I'm still figuring out what's up with me. Sometimes I think
I'm just exhausted, but other times I think there's definitely something else
adding to my unhappiness. I'm looking forward to having a nice little chat with
my doctor about it in another week, and I will be sharing my experience.
Until then, here are a few things I am
going to attempt each day in an effort to not lose myself - for my family's
sake, as well as my own.
1. Feel pretty.
My husband gets really upset when I tell
him, "I need to make myself look pretty," before we go somewhere.
"You look beautiful just like that," he'll respond. While it's his
job to tell me that, and maybe it's actually a little true, I just feel so much
better with a little makeup and a tamed version of my tousled hair.
This isn't about vanity or impressing
anyone. After our son was born (literally the morning he was born), I felt the
need to put on makeup and fix my hair nice so that I could get the "How do
you do it?" compliments. I actually had one confused nurse run into me in
the hallway and ask if I was being discharged that day. When I mentioned that
my son had just been born six hours ago, she was stunned and couldn't believe I
was out of bed at 7:00 in the morning, looking perfectly polished, desperately
awaiting the time when I felt I could change into my personal clothes (you
know, I stuck with the hospital gown for a few days for hygienic reasons).
However, what I am referring to now is just making myself feel like my prenatal
self. Makeup is something I've always enjoyed, and I like looking at myself
better with a little eyeliner and foundation, so it's a sure start to pulling
myself out of a slump.
2. Eat
breakfast.
I can't count the number of times in the
past few weeks that I have sat down to dinner with my husband and realized it
was my first meal of the day. Sure, I've thought about eating, but between baby
cries, desperate attempts at napping, and just facing the decision of what to
eat (sometimes it's easier to just not eat at all rather than decide what to make,
and then prepare it), I usually get sidetracked.
When we were at the grocery store this
week, I bought some English muffins. I'm going to have one each morning. That
way, even if I don't make it to any other meal of the day, I will at least
start the day out with a little nourishment.
3. Get out.
When little boy was first born, I enjoyed
taking him out. He'd sleep through anything, and even if we missed a feeding,
we could make up for it when we got home. Now, it feels exhausting to strap him
into his carseat or wrap, and he is so much more vocal, so if he is unhappy
everyone will know. I avoid going out at all costs, and it's starting to get to
me.
When DH gets home, I am going to get out.
Either we can all go somewhere together, or I can go out alone for a little
bit, but the days of asking him to run errands for me before he gets home are
gone. I need to not feel like I'm on house arrest. Even if it means sitting on the front steps with a glass of wine, I will get out for a few minutes.
Hopefully with these mini-resolutions, I’ll get back to
feeling like myself. My little one deserves to have the best of me, as does my
husband (who has struggles of his own). Whoever coined the phrase, “If
mama ain’t
happy, ain’t
nobody happy,”
really knew what he was talking about.
